Browse Sections

• Education
• Special reports

Yummy work of the devil

Lee Swettenham
1/ 3/2007

I AM a man of flesh and blood. I think possibly more flesh, but I am subject to the same temptations as anyone.

I've been crusading against the mighty enemy that is my body for seven weeks now...and cracks are beginning to develop.

It's nothing to do with exercising my gluteals, rather that I have blemished my spotless record with stains of take-away and tar.

My sins thus far consist of: four cheese biscuits (I am actually allowed the cheese), one curry, one chinese and three cigarettes.

The weird things is that before January 1, I'd have eaten more for elevenses.

Now I can remember eating four cheese biscuits.

It's a sorry day.

I'm not sure that the cigarettes count anyway - it was day 11 without, I was terribly drunk...and they were menthol.

But no more - I'm back on track.

Instead of my usual 4lbs-a-week weight loss I went down to two, despite more exercise.

Really irritating.

So this week has seen me swearing at the dawn chorus and stumbling to the Virgin Active gym at the sort of hour I am more used to falling out of a taxi at my front door.

My personal trainer Sean has very little sympathy.

The redder my eyes the harder he seems to push me.

Mind you, I am highly unlikely to be that unpleasant to myself at 7am and my stomach isn't going to disappear if I stroke it and coo at it until it purrs.

Purring is something that doesn't happen much at the Bushinkai Academy in Manchester where Sensei Simon Keegan instructs me in the combat art of Karate Jutsu.

Sunday evenings at 6pm is the only part of my new regime I actively look forward to.

I don't know why though - this week he told me I turn like a ballerina.

In fact I now remember why - this week I also learned how to pin someone to the floor and cause them enormous pain with just one elbow.

If I can ever catch one of the happy squawking 'welcome to a new day' birds that chirp at me and my gym bag, it had better watch out.

The be beasted at Virgin Active in Didsbury call: 249 5600, or visit: www.virginactive.co.uk.

To be told you fight like a ballerina visit: bushinkaiacademy.mysite.orange.co.uk, or email simonkeegan@runbox.com.